January 11, 2021
I watched three church services yesterday morning; Tehachapi Mountain Vineyard, Elevation & Zoe LA. I then met friends for a ride. It was a pleasant day.
Then, last night, on FaceBook, I saw two extremely disturbing political posts inciting civil war and executions, all in the name of God. My anxiety shot up to new levels. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well.
Exposing myself to the evil in this world does nothing to fix it and only harms me. I’ve suffered enough emotional trauma in my life, I don’t need to add to it by seeing this stuff, but, it is an addiction. I feel an urgency to check FaceBook multiple times a day, and once there I get caught up in scrolling. Not only is this a huge waste of time, it destroying my peace of mind. Something that I really need to keep in tact to help my son.
Zoe LA church started a guided proverbs, prayer and fast today. I downloaded the 50 page booklet and printed it out. ( https://zoechurch.org/21days ) I intend to write here daily about my experience.
Proverbs 1:7. . .the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. . .
Proverbs 1:33. . .but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.
I used to think “fear of the Lord” meant that I should be afraid of God, and I was. I was sure I was going to burn in Hell for the sins I’d committed as a teen and young adult. I was sure that addiction, cancer and a destructive marriage were all God’s punishment for me as well. It was my eldest son that set me straight, “no mom, it means respect, to be in awe of God”. So, awe of God is the beginning of knowledge, so I can hear God’s voice, that He’ll guide me along a safe path and this will make me feel safe and secure. So I can have faith in the storm, something I’ve admired in others and have craved ever since I was saved in 2014.
Dear God, you are so awesome! Forgive me for my sins and reveal to me sins that I may not be aware of. Thank you for saving me from the pit of dispair and thank you for the many angels that have guided me on this path with you. Please speak to me louder, I’m kind of deaf. Guide me during this critical time, reveal to me if the prophecy I recieved for my son is true and if so, what is my role in it. I ask this in Jesus’ sweet name. Amen