Proverbs 4:23 Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
I must guard my heart not only from evil people, especially men, but from evil news, news of evil events and social media hate filled posts and comments. It makes my heart sick and I start to think, “What’s the point of going on living?”, a thought that I haven’t visited in over six years. I have an inner drive to stay connected to people, especially during Covid isolation, so I turned to social media. But this has been mostly an unhealthy experience, it stirs up a PTSD like response in me, stirring up old trauma, a physical feeling of fear, it’s in the pit of my stomache and spreads pins and needles through out my body, a sense of hightened alert that screams “Run! Get out of danger, it’s too big for you to do anything about!” This is not a good place to be while making big decisions and it makes me short with my son, who needs my peace to fill the home and help him heal.
God, you are all powerful. Jesus, you are all love. Holy Sprit, you are inside me and guide my steps, thoughts and words. Forgive me for 66 years of sins, poor choices, fear and rage. Thank you for this calming breath I’m taking right now, for my beating heart, my miracle babies concieved despite my cancer prognosis, for my peaceful home that is beyond my wildest dreams, for my horses and the emotional healing they give me, for my dog who is crazy but makes us feel very safe here, and above all else, thank you for calling my name in 2013. Grant me wisdom and peace in this storm, help me keep my eyes fixed on you 24/7, even in my dreams. Protect us all from the virus and violence. In Jesus’ beautiful name, I pray. Amen.